im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
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Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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