Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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