I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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