drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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