did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
