Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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