Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
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how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
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You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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