I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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