dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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