stop calling my apartment porn island.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
