the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Verdict: uncircumcised.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
