Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
