Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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