There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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