So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
