You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm passing your future prison.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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