i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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