my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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