OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
