we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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