sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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