He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
