Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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