I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So squirting runs in the family.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
