lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
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They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
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I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!