Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
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I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
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Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?