Texts From Last Night

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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass

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  (215): I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass http://tfl.nu/6mwp
  Replies (14) Good night (4019) Bad night (1170)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her

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  (206): You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her http://tfl.nu/auxf
  Replies (6) Good night (3644) Bad night (1804)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.

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  (801): I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion. http://tfl.nu/ntse
  Replies (28) Good night (11218) Bad night (1541)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry

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  (832): You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry http://tfl.nu/vuqf
  Replies (21) Good night (2037) Bad night (4798)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.

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  (201): She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza. http://tfl.nu/d9wz
  Replies (20) Good night (3046) Bad night (1009)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"

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  (817): Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside" http://tfl.nu/md9m
  Replies (12) Good night (6629) Bad night (1271)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor

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  (646): you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor http://tfl.nu/zdss
  Replies (3) Good night (1519) Bad night (1088)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.

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  (518): I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments. http://tfl.nu/u4vb
  Replies (5) Good night (1569) Bad night (1023)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.

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  (715): Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure. http://tfl.nu/2y1s
  Replies (5) Good night (2232) Bad night (621)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS

  (205): View more from Alabama

  THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT

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  (205): I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS (205): THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT http://tfl.nu/3e0n
  Replies (3) Good night (1107) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...

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  (706): Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something... http://tfl.nu/hryz
  Replies (4) Good night (589) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.

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  (706): Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size. http://tfl.nu/vhd5
  Replies (8) Good night (590) Bad night (2108)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport

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  (515): So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport http://tfl.nu/uoc3
  Replies (9) Good night (743) Bad night (437)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.

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  (940): I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack. http://tfl.nu/gvul
  Replies (5) Good night (309) Bad night (635)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?

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  (402): What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again? http://tfl.nu/ibd9
  Replies (1) Good night (513) Bad night (289)

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