Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
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I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
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You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.