I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
my being single is dangerous.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I came so hard my ears popped.