i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
