Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
