He felt like a one man threesome
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
