It's like God shit irony all over that family
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize