If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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