There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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