Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Randomize
