I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
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mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
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He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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