i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
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she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
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Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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