I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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