well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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