well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
