Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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