Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
