You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
