Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
