Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
