i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize