The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
