apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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