U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh