and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.