if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.