..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me