my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
