well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
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That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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