FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We left the knife in your bed.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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