A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize