I just saw a hot homeless man
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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