Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
