My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
