You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left an ass print on the piano.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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