addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
