What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
