yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
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