How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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