fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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