Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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