I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
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I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
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Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I lost the right to judge tonight
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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