my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My ATM looks so different sober.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
