You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
